12 Second Conspiracy, #2.

#2: Stanley Kubrick was murdered by the Church of Scientology to prevent him from making a director's cut of 'Eyes Wide Shut'.

Maxing Out the Race Card.

   Well, if you can't find racism, you can always invent it. Some people make careers of inventing racism. And apparently MSNBC has been doing it for a long time. i suspect they've been getting away with it for a long time too. Based on their clumsy attempt, last week, to  yet again demonize white people, they seem to be so accustomed to getting away with this that they don't even bother to be careful. 20 years ago -before cell phone cameras and the internet- a network could fabricate the news with impunity. Today, it's not so easy (see: Dan Rather).

     Watch the first video and notice the well-spoken American exercising his civil rights (you know, the right to assemble, to petition the government for a redress of his grievances? Oh yeah, and to bear arms). Notice the race of this man. He is NOT white.    

   Now watch the second video. (Warning: your bullshit meter may overheat during this one).

   Notice the close up of the gun. Notice the man's face has been cropped out of the frame to the point where it's not possible to identify his race, then notice the shrew, at 0:35, says "..white people showing up with guns.." and the camera cutting immediately to the face of a white man. Did you also notice she said "people," meaning more than one? If there was more than one person with a gun then why aren't there any pictures of the other people with guns? If there really were "white people" with guns you'd think those crack-reporters at MSNBC would have gotten some footage of them, especially considering that it's the premise of their entire story.

   Yes, MSNBC deliberately obfuscated the race of the Obama protester so that they could fabricate yet another phony story about white racism. So that they could deliberately promote a backward and mean stereotype about an entire race of people. Thus doing their part to assure that yet another generation of white children will grow up being presumed guilty of racism even before they learn what racism is.

   Thanks, MSNBC.

A Chocolate Chip on his Shoulder ?

Years ago I rented a room in an old house in Koreatown. One day I went out to check the mailbox and there were two men pointing pistols at me as soon as I stepped out onto the front porch of the house. Their guns were identical, which was the only clue I had that they were police. "Don't shoot me, please!" was all I could think to say. One of them grabbed me by my neck and then both of them pressed their guns against my head. They pulled me off the porch and my hands were then cuffed behind my back and one of the cops pushed me forward while the other tripped me so I landed on my face. One of them stepped on the back of my head and pressed my face into the dirt. They addressed me as "fucking punk," and shouted questions about who else was in the house. This went on for a few minutes and then some uniformed cops pulled up and went into the house and came back out and eventually I was able to inform them that I lived there. I had no way of proving it though and they didn't seem inclined to believe me. 

   Then my landlord, John, arrived. He watched from across the street for a moment, unsure whether or not to approach. Finally he decided to intervene on my behalf. He was a coke addict who shot-up in his arms, legs, and hands, so he rolled his sleeves down to his wrists to cover his track marks, shoved his hands into his pockets, and asked one of the cops what was going on. 

   The cop explained that they'd gotten a call that there were "a bunch of robbers" in this house, and they'd caught this guy, me, coming out. John told him that it was his house and I rented a room there. 

   After a while they uncuffed me. One of the cops said, "I guess this was just a misunderstanding." Then all the cops left. 

   Over the years I've received similar treatment from the LAPD on many occasions. It's just one of those things you have to expect when you live in Los Angeles. It never occurred to me to make a lifestyle out of complaining about it, but then, I don't have the benefit of a race-card.  

A Fool will Suffer No Wisdom.

Military service? (we know what she thinks of that). Successful capitalist? (that's a punishable crime against the democratic party). Free-thinking negro? (just another escaped slave from the plantation of victimhood). Sharp witted enough to recognize when he's being patronized and condescended to? (how dare this "uppity" ingrate refuse a welfare check? What does he think he is, an American?) Barbara Boxer HATES this guy, naturally...

Obama sucks Dictators...

... because a threat to tyranny anywhere on earth is a threat to tyranny everywhere on earth. Right, B.O.?

Ask Iran

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men wait to see "how this is going to play out." Right, B.O.?

12 Second Conspiracy:

Obama is actively provoking North Korea in the hope that they will nuke Hawaii. This is only so that he can claim his birth certificate was destroyed in the attack.

Smells like Boxer

How about we address her as "disrespectful cunt" since she's apparently "worked so hard to get that title," as well?

Pirates Charles in Hollywood.

i was pleased to interrupt my literary toil Saturday for several pints of Newcastle at KPK with Sev and Alex. Sean D. and his splendid wench stopped by well behind in their drinking and anxious to catch up. Sean wrote the splendid article about the Revenge cruise in the current Pirates Magazine. He also recently left Fangoria and is now writing for Dread Central.
After a moment of liquor-fueled nonversation Sev and i had to rush the ten blocks up Hollywood Blvd. to the Knitting Factory for the Pirates Charles show. 
The band started early (!) and hence played even longer than the hour we were promised. The 'Talderoy' song seems to evolve each time they play it and has truly become an EPIC anthem of badassness. If PC are the Zeppelin of pirate rock then 'Talderoy' is their 'Kashmir'. It's a very few bands could come up with such lyrics as: "He's laid so many maidens, He's the father of mankind..." 
Their encore was the smooth drunken "Patty Lay Back', which i was pleased to find included on their new CD.
Spoo, Fiddley, Mast, Deedle, Tor, David Gale, and Harpoon all lingered about afterward for imbibage and photo-ops and to pick-pocket beer money from their groupies. Good to see Flip and his camera (doesn't he have enough pictures of this band yet?). Gil (the eighth Pirate Charles) and Mariah were suspiciously sober, which worried me immensely. Oh yes, and i remembered my camera this time so prepare for yer eyes to BLEED from the excellence.
Staggered back to the flat by midnight to resume work on 'Art of Revenge'.

And now you know....... NOTHING.

Godspeed.

Write me. i might answer.

Pirate,

I have to take a drug test for a new job I might get. I heard that Tom Sizemore used a sack of clean urine and a dildo to try to pass a drug test. Should I try this? Will it actually work? I don't want to stop using drugs only to not be hired anyway. I realize it didn't work for Tom Sizemore and he got arrested but I figure that's just because he was stupid, being an actor and all. Please advise. -B.H.O.

B.H.O,

No, idiot, it won't work. You'll be searched for things like an extra-corporeal urine supply before they hand you your cup and send you to the water closet. But God forbid you have to waste a few weeks not being on drugs just so you can pass a drug test. So try bribery instead, that's always effective when dealing with righteous, pushy assholes who work at drug-test facilities. They have no scruples. To hell with them. Use xerox copies of dollar bills for your bribe, they'll be too stupid to know the difference.

By the way: at the time of his arrest Tom Sizemore was entirely clean and drug-free. But he does, unfortunately, have an extremely small penis which is why he was wearing that prosthetic. When he was busted with the dildo in his pants he simply made up the story about using it to cheat on a  drug test because he felt that the resulting media coverage of his apparent drug-addiction would be less humuliating than headlines proclaiming his micropenile condition. And Tom Sizemore is not his real name. He changed it in an earlier attempt to compensate for his condition after a british prostitute tactlessly informed him: "Your thomas is almost sizeless." Whores really need to keep things to themselves, remember, that's how al Qaeda started.

Splashdown.

Herein' i shall blog for my grog.